The WISE-ASS Woman's Way

Fuck SMART Goals… Be WISE instead!

Deconstructing the internalized status quo is the work of the Wise Woman. By raising our awareness, we begin to see how the dominant cultural narrative has been limiting us. The Wise Women in group challenged me to blow up the traditional goal-setting model, and I accepted their challenge.

For over a decade, Wise Women in my women’s groups would push back when I introduced the concept of formalized goal setting. There were grumbles and sighs. I would grumble and sigh in return because, frankly, I didn’t find these rigid tools effective for my population. But we pressed on with the agenda, because, after all, that’s what we were “supposed to do.”

It wasn’t until a group member emphatically exclaimed, “Fuck SMART goals! Since I was 8 years old, goals have been used as a weapon against me to tell me to lose weight, and I refuse to set any more goals!” that I had my wake-up call. It was then that I began questioning the status quo of my professional training and opened my mind to a new approach.

Too Much & Not Enough

My clients are brilliant, beautiful, insightful, and talented women whom I feel honored to work with. Yet, a recurring theme I hear from them is that they often feel they are simultaneously “too much” and “not enough.”

Throughout women’s lives, goals have been used to send damaging messages—telling us we aren’t skinny enough, pretty enough, accomplished enough, sane enough, and so on. Goals have been wielded as a whip, keeping women chasing an impossible standard that can never truly be reached.

As their consciousness awakens, Wise Women become passionate about how traditional goal setting perpetuates the harmful idea that they’re “never good enough” and always need to be “fixed.”

So, together, we blew up the traditional structure of goal setting—the one that insists on being SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-bound)—and created our own path. A path that’s been proven effective for these women’s groups. We took a deep dive into all the ways our space helps them succeed in embodying their wisest selves.

The wisest version of ourselves isn’t necessarily the skinniest or the most accomplished. Often, the best version of ourselves involves being imperfect—allowing ourselves to make mistakes, be messy, be vulnerable, and still know our unconditional worth. The wisest version of ourselves embraces all of our big feelings, letting them pass through us. It also accepts all parts of ourselves—even the darker, harder-to-accept pieces. Most importantly, the wisest version of ourselves is one that allows us to practice compassion—toward ourselves and others.

Instead of being “SMART,” we decided to be WISE. More specifically, Wise Women decided to embrace being WISE-ASS Women.

The WISE-ASS Woman's Way

The WISE-ASS Woman’s Way still involves weekly, incremental steps—but with much more flexibility and less rigidity. It takes into account the realistic responsibilities of women’s lives, allowing for adaptation and evolution. It challenges women to release the “shoulds” and instead focus on what they truly need in this moment of their lives.

It rejects the notions of deprivation and shrinking ourselves to fit some external ideal. Instead, it teaches women how to nurture and nourish their bodies and minds based on their internal wisdom.

Most importantly, the WISE-ASS Woman’s Way is rooted in self-love, self-acceptance, and support—no matter where we are on our path.

This isn’t about a quick “fix.” It’s about teaching women how to walk a wise, loving, and sustainable path toward their wisest selves, a framework for growth that will last a lifetime.

Inside this edition:

• The WISE-ASS Woman's Way Introduction & Video
• WW Empowering Quote
• Experiential with Movement, Sound, & Writing Prompts
• WW Playlist Recommendation
• Wise Women's Wisdom
• About A Space to Walk the WISE-ASS Woman's Way Course
• WW Imagery of the WISE-ASS Woman's Way
• A Space for Wise Women Empowerment Tools
• Take Away Challenge

We are going to use a hands-on activity (a.k.a. an “experiential”). Experiencing concepts through our hands, senses, and emotions allows us to go beyond simply understanding the ideas in our minds—it integrates the learning deep into our bodies. An experiential provides a kind of “knowing” that isn’t just intellectual; instead, it’s a “knowing” that becomes integrated into our minds, bodies, and entire selves.

Purpose of Experiential

• To explore your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations associated with traditional goal setting
• To explore your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations associated with the WISE-ASS Woman's Way
• To understand your body and mind's initial experience comparing the traditional model of goal setting versus the new model for change
• To begin integrate the learning of the WISE-ASS Woman's Way and Wise Women's Wisdom

Directions - Part 1

Step 1: I’m going to say a statement, and I want to invite you to make a movement with your body and a sound that demonstrates how you experience that statement.

“Today, we are going to be goal setting!”

Step 2: Now, make a movement and sound that represents your experience with that statement.

Step 3: Reflect on your experience using the following prompts.

Wise Women tend to fall on both ends of a spectrum.

• About half of the Wise Women’s body postures perked up, and they made high-pitched sounds, eagerly anticipating goal setting. Upon reflection, they gained insight that goal setting had created an illusion of control, giving them a temporary sense of self-worth that was conditional on their ability to achieve. These are often the Wise Women who benefit from setting fewer goals in their lives, lowering expectations of themselves, and practicing embodying their unconditional self-worth.
• The other half displayed body postures slumped over with sighs of hopelessness and despair. These Wise Women felt the grief of countless unmet goals, leading them to avoid goal setting altogether. These are often the Wise Women who benefit from learning to set goals in a way that fosters success, increasing awareness of their capabilities, and practicing embodying their unconditional self-worth.

Both ends of the spectrum used goals as a way to reinforce the belief that they are not acceptable, lovable, or worthy as they are.

Directions - Part 2

Step 1: Bring to mind the learning from The WISE-ASS Woman's Way above. Rewatch the video and read through the pieces.

Step 2: Now, make a new movement with your body and a sound that represents your experience.

Step 3: Journal about your 3-5 minutes addressing the following prompts:

1. What movement and sound did you make and why?
2. What are your initial thoughts and feelings about this alternative way to create change in your life?

• Many Wise Women lift their arms out and away from their bodies in a sign of freedom, while others allow themselves to melt into their chairs. Most make sounds, like sighs of relief. This model often helps Wise Women feel seen, heard, and cared for, and is associated with feelings of hope, relief, excitement, capability, and empowerment.
• Other Wise Women shrug their shoulders, feeling skeptical, confused, or in disbelief. These Wise Women struggle with thoughts that it still "won't work," impatience with the fact that this model is not a quick fix, and a need for more time to process this paradigm shift.

Notice your own experience without making it wrong.

For free bite-sized wisdom about each piece of the WISE-ASS Woman's Way and more delivered directly to your inbox, check out Inside Wise Women's Wisdom.

If you want to go deeper into the WISE-ASS Woman's Way, check out the live recorded 8-week course, A Space to Walk the WISE-ASS Woman's Way. Layer after layer of experiential activities will help you learn and practice your new path. Plus, it includes a 50-page workbook!

You can also check out the full and abridged workbook as well as free downloads through A Space for Wise Woman Tools: Books & Downloads.

Begin to contemplate your intention for walking the WISE-ASS Woman's Way.

Often, exploring imagery in magazines or using collage materials can help clarify the changes needed to step into your wisest, most empowered self. Some examples of these intentions include practicing self-compassion, finding and using your voice, taking up more space, and asserting your boundaries.

Now, share your ideas or reflections in our community space or comment below!

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