The Thanksgiving Divide: How to Stay Empowered Across the Table

Thanksgiving can, of course, be a time of gratitude and connection, but it can also bring complicated family dynamics, unrealistic expectations, overstimulation, and grief. These issues can stir up intense emotions and lead us to cope in ways that prevent us from embodying our wisest, most empowered selves.

Every year, we plan for these challenges in our women’s groups by creating our “Empowering Thanksgiving Care Plans.” This year, however, we face an additional layer of complication: the intense political divide at the Thanksgiving table.

I vividly remember my family’s Thanksgiving after the 2016 election. Each political camp retreated to separate rooms, unsure how to bridge the divide—or possibly not wanting to. For some families, this divide has become a chasm.

We talked last week about how “The Political Is Personal” for many Wise Women. Combine that with the societal expectation for women to be the ideal host, the emotional labor of preventing conflict, and the pressure to please, perfect, and perform so that everyone else is comfortable, and you’ve got a recipe for anxiety, dysregulation, and your own discomfort.

Let’s explore some Wise Women’s Wisdom on how to maintain your power during Thanksgiving events.

Power TO vs. Power OVER: Power TO refers to what is within our circle of control, while power OVER involves controlling others through coercion or domination.

• You have the power to use self-care and grounding practices before, during, and after an event.
• You have the power to decide before arriving at an event whether or not you want to engage in political discussions.
• You have the power to choose how (or if) you respond to others.
• You have the power to embody the change you wish to see in the world.

Your Way Is Right for You: There is no “right” way to navigate this Thanksgiving. Others may not approve of your decisions, but you are a grown-ass woman with agency over your choices.

• You have the power to set boundaries that honor your needs and protect your emotional well-being.
• You have the power to take breaks, create an exit strategy, or even choose not to attend.
• You have the power to play with children or animals instead of participating in a drunken political tirade.
• You have the power to choose not to meet others’ expectations of you.

The Power of Connection: Hearts and minds are not persuaded when our defenses are up. It is an ethical principle in social work that relationships are essential for personal and social change. Change happens through respect, vulnerability, and connection.

• You have the power to be bravely and vulnerably honest about who you are.
• You have the power to find support from other Wise Women who share your values.
• You have the power to shift from judgment to curiosity (about yourself and others).
• You have the power to find common ground, mutual values, and shared experience.

This week at A Space for Wise Women, we have been creating plans that allow us to care for ourselves through this complicated Thanksgiving experience. If you would benefit from such a plan, join us Inside Wise Women’s Wisdom for an experiential with download that follows 3 simple steps.